Chapter 16 - Paradise

Feeling calm, healthy and relaxed, Tim walked over to the door and picked up the the axe. He threw open the door and stepped outside and stopped on the top step, dazzled by the brilliant sunlight that sparkled over the valley.

It was one of those perfect summer days when time seemed to stand still, as if it too was holding its breath, taken by surprise by the sheer beauty of the patchwork of meadows and forests that stretched up to the foot of mountains, whose peaks still covered with pure white snow.

After scanning the landscape, Tim walked, swinging the axe lightly in his hand, down the steps. He walked over the meadow, covered with flowers, down to the river, which glittered like a band of liquid gold.

In the meantime, the mountains, the peace and the serenity of the place, had grown on him and he couldn’t imagine any place he would rather be.

Now that the weather had grown warmer, he spent several hours every single day wandering around or doing chores, such as collecting wood, chopping it up and stacking the logs along the side of the cabin for firewood.

That morning too, he roved around the forest beside the river, haphazardedly looking for more branches to chop into fire wood.

Spontaneously, he turned off a well beaten track he often used and headed deeper into a part of forest he wasn't so familiar with.

After a few minutes, he found himself in a dense and cool canopy of shade, dotted with pools of light.

In the meantime, the Jesus Payer was so much a part of him that he said it all the time as he walked among the trees, turning his head to the left and right to observe his surroundings. A constant stream of energy flowed through him. A total transformation had come over him. The whole world, and not just him, seemed different.

Everywhere he looked there was abundance and beauty. The trees, plants, the flowers, the colours, the sounds, the fragrances mixed together and created a landscape that seemed to him to have all the freshness and purity of paradise.

The constant movement of the river, of the clouds in the sky, the wind and the light added dynamism to the calm and orderly beauty of nature. There was sweetness, sweetness everywhere.

He felt free, strong and contented as he walked along between the trees, swinging the axe at his side.

Everyhwere he saw the presence of God, the light of God, the peace of God, the inspiration, the beauty, the abundance of God, the creativity of God, the softness and mildness of God.

When he saw a tree that had fallen over in a storm, he stopped. It was about 60 foot long. The branches that had grown out from the main trunk were dry and the the needles had fallen off covering the earth. Perfect for some firewood! Tim thought to himself, as he sized up the branches.

He found a branch that looked especially dry and and took hold of his axe. He swung it back over his shoulder, turning his hips, and then swung the axe back down and struck the branch with a thwack. Chips flew into the air.

The metal blade glinted in the sunlight as he worked, fully absorbed in his task. Thump. Thump.

Tim had just cut away one branch when he heard loud shouts. He stopped and pricked uo his ears. He made out voices – and not far away, at that.

Curious, he took his axe and walked through the forest and came out onto the river bank.

Far away, on the opposite side of the river, but further up stream, he saw three men walking along.
They were carrying back packs and rifles. Everything about them bore the stamp of city dwellers who had decided to go for a hunting trip in the wilderness. With check shirts and trousers tucked into their boots, they walked along, talking in lively voices and gesticulating.

At the sight of the three men, Tim was suddenly reminded of Denver and the Young Life Church – and also the fact that his own stay in the mountains would soon be coming to an end. At the thought he’d soon have to go back to Denver and his old life full of stress and pressure, he felt anguish.

Becoming aware of just how agitated he restless, tense, and fatigued he had become just thinking about his old life, he grew worried.

“It's easy for me to feel free, contented and strong up here in the mountains and to stay connected and in the flow. Here I can really focus on the bigger picture, but as soon as I go back into the city with all the hustle and bustle, I know I’m going to lose that focus,” he thought to himself, shaking his head from side to side, wondering what to do.

“I’m going to lose my connection and become distracted by all the things going on around me and all the people, and I’m going to get lost in all the details. And I’ll be miserable all over again!”

Hands on his hips, Tim watched the three men disappear in the distance. Sad, he walked back into the forest to finish chopping up the branch.

“I’m not going to go back to Denver,” he decided, all of a sudden, as he stopped in front of the branch and wiped the perspiration from his forehead.

“I don’t care what the church or what Hargeaves wants. What I want is more important. I want to stay up here in the mountains. I have all the conditions here that suit me just fine. Peace and freedom. If I go back to Denver, I know I’m going to fall back into my old habits.”

As soon as he had made the decision to stay put in the mountains, Tim felt at peace again.

He finished chopping up the branch into smaller pieces. Then he walked back to the cabin, carrying a couple of the logs. As he walked along, he half closed his eyes.

He started to recite the words of the Jesus prayer to the rhythm of his breathing and the beating of his heart. After a few minutes, he felt a burning sensation to his heart, buoyed up, light and cheerful again.

All around, the fir trees in spiralling decks of green soared up towards the burning blue sky. Perpendicular rays poured down, piercing the pine branches, warming the earth and and illuminating the insects.

He threw back his head, and looked the infinite sky was suffused with pure blue light.

In him were the same friendly bright open spaces, shimmering and glittering, in the the forests, the same bubbling river, the same brilliance of the sun, the same green holy oak tree, the same firmness as the earth, the same freedom as the clouds floating in the heights above him, the same joy of the meadows that burst into flowers, the same feast.

It was real life, life experienced at first hand, and not the second hand, media generated illusionary life he had lived it all these years back in Denver and Roche Heights.

That had been life second lived through a huge web of abstract concepts and images that had been imposed on him from the outside! How dreary!

“Who would have thought that I would ever have lived to experience such happiness, energy and peace!” Tim thought to himself, walking along between the trees.

“I feel like one of the original men who walked this earth with eyes to see and ears to hear – not yet caught up in the narrow thinking of modern society with all its soulless materialism, greed, exploitation and technical thinking. And what’s more, I’ll do whatever it takes to make sure I don’t lose this consciousness. Let other people ruin their souls if they want to. Let them spend their lives worrying all the time about their jobs, their careers. I’ve seen the error of focussing on that kind of thing to the exclusion of what's really important - and that's me and how I feel and what i think. I’ve seen that there’s another way of living. I’ve seen that life up here in the mountains thinking about the essential things is much, much better. I feel so much healthier and happier and more alive. I feel on top of the world. But I know I still have so much to learn. It’s just the beginning. I need more time to consolidate these experiences, and progress to the next stage. Why go back to Denver anyway? I’m sure no one misses me," Tim thought as he walked over the meadow.

"Rob Owen is probably still gloating over the fact that he shopped me. Arlen, Zack and Hargreaves all despise me. Cindy is probably getting on with her own life. Everyone in the church is most likely very relieved I’m out of the way. Why shouldn’t I stay up here in the mountains? It feels the right thing for me to do and what I want counts too. I mean, I’m going to be dead for a long time, for all eternity, so it makes sense to invest my energy while I’m alive in finding out who I am and getting into tune with the essential things, with realty..…” Tim thought as he threw down the logs close to the cabin and walked up the steps to get himself a drink of water.